Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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