I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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