She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
