And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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