You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
