I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
