How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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