allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
