Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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