We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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