so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
