What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
