you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
