She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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