ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
