I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
