well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
