The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
He better not be in your backpack
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
