she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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