I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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