i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
