ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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