just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize