I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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