I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
