I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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