It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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