Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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