Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
