He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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