i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
