the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
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