Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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