there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
