It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
