He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
