Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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