hell yes lets make some ravioli
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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