can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
