I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
