even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
