I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
