just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
