he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
