wakey wakey hands off snakey
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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