If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
