dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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