My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Randomize
