3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
