with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
