dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
