at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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