I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
