my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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