Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
