two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
