Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
