The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
