I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
