and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
