i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
