what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
