Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
