i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize