I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
