i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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