How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
