If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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