Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
