I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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