do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
