Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
