Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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