Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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