I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
