Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
