For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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