I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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