Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
