who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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