She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
