I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
