I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I would fuck him just for his dog
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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