is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
