Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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