So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
