Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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