Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
