I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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