i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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