Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
