i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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