Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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