You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
