He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
