Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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