I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
