Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
