A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
