I puked a lego.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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